Meet Your Future Self
Do you ever feel frustrated that you’re not where you want to be but also lack a true sense of clarity on where you should be heading? In this episode, I share a technique that I use to help me connect with myself and my future hopes, allowing me to gain some true clarity and create actionable steps to get me there.
- Do you allow yourself to dream
- Lack of representation
- Men in offices getting rich off our backs
- Get a job to pay the bills
- Connecting with nature
- Meet your future self exercise
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Join us as we explore a therapeutic journey through life, womanhood and its challenges, entrepreneurship, spirituality and personal transformation.
The Curl Squad is a community of underrepresented women on a journey to self-acceptance, pursuing passion and discovering their purpose.
We speak from the heart and like to dig deep.
Falling in love with our natural hair was the starting point of our journeys to deepen our understanding of ourselves and what’s possible.
We discuss growing up curly, overcoming obstacles, traumas and triumphs as well as sharing a natural hair care essential or two.
I’ll be introducing you to some incredibly inspiring curly creators and innovators as we discuss the natural hair community, representation, healing, living with purpose and building bigger tables.
It’s the curls that connect us, but our experience is rich, deep and diverse. Most of us can identify with overcoming some form of challenge and these perspectives are underrepresented, powerful and incredibly important.
Hosted by Zoe Fox
Read the full show transcript here
Intro Hook:If you’re from the working classes like me, then I suppose we should just come to terms with the fact that we’re just put on earth to essentially serve and support middle class men.
Hey, girlfriend, welcome back to the curl squads. Kel power podcast with me, Zoe Fox, this is the podcast for women who are on a mission to see how good life can get. We’re on a mission to put the stresses anxiety, depression, hard times, tragedies, traumas and challenges behind us as we make peace with ourselves, and step out into the world with a new frame of mind, a new mindset on a mission to see what is possible. And with that said, this is why this episode is going to be all about dreaming. I don’t mean dreaming in the sense of when you’re asleep. What happens when you sleep in, just in the sense of having a dream for yourself having a vision for yourself, tapping into your future self and connecting with your heart’s desires. So before we jump into the episode, I would absolutely love it. If you let me know where you’re listening from. I always love seeing selfies of where you’re listening from. So take a little selfie. Drop it on the socials. If you’re on Instagram, you can tag us at the curl squad, we can reshare it so everyone can see where you’re listening to the podcast from or if you’re a little bit more private. slide into my DMs because it just brings me so much joy to see your beautiful little face listening to the podcast. So come along and connect with us on the socials on Instagram. You can find me at Zoe dot e dot Fox, you can find the curl squad at the curl squad. Also on Instagram, come and join us on Tik Tok just trying to get things bubbling over there. That is at the curl Squad. I’ve also got a survey underway, and I would absolutely love it if you would participate. I’m gonna drop the link in the show notes. I’ve already had an amazing response so far. And it’s really important to me to see what women are struggling with what women are thinking about. So I would be very, very grateful for your response. Right then with that said, let’s jump on into the episode. Allow yourself to dream. I’m wondering, is this something that you let yourself do? Is it something that even crosses your mind? I know when I was growing up and I’d see wealthy people on the TV, there was a definite sense of a disconnect. I didn’t feel like I was there. I didn’t feel like they were relatable to me. And that’s very much like luck. I’ve mentioned before in previous episodes about the image of success that is projected, were you able to see yourself reflected within that. I know I struggled, I really struggled. Not seeing people that looked like me, reflected as successful people in society definitely had a detrimental impact to how I saw myself and what I could aspire to. I remember in the 80s and 90s Growing up in the newspapers that used to come through the door. Anytime I’d see black people in the press, it was never positive stories. And I always used to remember thinking, you know, black people aren’t bad. I’m from a family. I’m mixed race. So half of my family is black, half of my family is white. It just didn’t match up to what I knew of black families to be this demonized image that was projected out into the press. And then when we think about success and successful black people or successful mixed race people, it was very much you know, you’d have to be into sports, we’d have to be a musician, a singer. Those appeared to be the only routes to success for melanated people as far as I could see. And being a female of the species as well, you know, we’re all ready experience in a lack of representation as women. So with real success, looking as though we only belong to a certain class of white men, basically, and any hopes for success for me lying at the feet of me being either super Many talented in the musical arena are in the sports arena left me pretty wounded really, because totally rubbish at both. not my forte, I can’t even speak in tune, let alone sing in tune. So if middle class white men are taken up all of these key spots for success, and there’s clearly not any room for anybody else there because,
well, where’s the representation to show that? So okay, then I guess we must be happy with our lot. And if you want, if you from the working classes like me, then I suppose we should just come to terms with the fact that we’re just put on earth to essentially serve and support middle class men. So you know, we’ll get dirty in the factories, we’ll be doing all the manual labor, all of that sort of stuff while they sit in their offices making all the money off our backs. But that’s just the way things are meant to be right. I guess I should be content with my unfulfilled nine to five job because I lack vision, and being working class and of color. I absolutely lacked inspiration and ambition. So yeah, I did resign myself to a lifetime of working in a job that
just didn’t make me feel good. I suppose I’m not meant to enjoy work, right? Because
we’re just supposed to pay the bills and the money pay the bills. It’s not supposed to be about enjoyment. That’s not what I saw growing up. I didn’t see my parents Exactly. Doing work that set their souls on fire. It was you go to work to earn money, perform a function, and feed your family. So with that in mind, I went about, you know, finding my own job, to pay the bills, not for enjoyment. And because the day to day reality was so soul destroying, surrounded myself with distractions, to bring little bits of enjoyment into my dull, bleak life, to try and fill the gap of a lack of satisfaction basically, from doing this unfulfilling work. So I would binge watch TVs, eat sugar, like it’s going out of fashion, rave hard at the weekend until I was absolutely exhausted, drink hard at the weekend until I used to throw up, consume trash magazines. Because reading gossip about other people was about as exciting as it was going to get. But Zoe, you should be grateful because you’re Brown, you’re working class, but you’ve got a job. So you know, what have you got to moan about. And I don’t know how my other friends and other listeners of the podcast, feel. But certainly, being a brown person in the United Kingdom, there’s always this sense of you should be grateful, you should be grateful that you’re here, you should be grateful that you’ve got a job. Should I should i Why? Because you’re saying that I should be grateful for this measly little life is all this conditioning really, that starts to keep us thinking small, isn’t it? School doesn’t help either, when you’ve got teachers that are saying that you’re not going to amount to anything. doesn’t do much for the self esteem does it? All of these little things, all of these little comments, media messages, you know, the things that we see from living in life, where we’re not seeing ourselves reflected in positions of power and influence and wealth. It certainly limited my ability to dream big or see myself in certain roles. I’m wondering what your experience was like? Did your upbringing within this society allow you to believe that you could go on to achieve anything you wanted to? Or is it kept you thinking small, dreaming small, being content with a lot that actually doesn’t feel that good? You know, it’s crazy, because when you think about it, the fact that we are alive at this point of time is absolutely miraculous. Like that should be so celebrated. Just the possibility of us exist in at this point in time and space is, is crazy. So why are we really limiting ourselves off the back of what society showed us? We should think you know what, I am an actual miracle. What else is possible? The fact that I’m alive at this point of time is a miracle. What else is possible? So imagine this, you walk into a shop. Let’s see as a bit of a Gregg’s kind of shop with you based in the UK Greg’s is a popular A sandwich store I would say where you can get sandwiches, rolls, pasties, pastries, that sort of thing. So wherever you are in the world, we’re going into a sandwich shop. We’re looking at the shelf. There’s only a couple of sandwiches left they both look a bit dry and crusty. Wants cheese and onion. The other ones prawn. Oh, not really much of a cheese and onion fan. Not really much of a problem fan. I guess this is my choice. I guess I’ll have to pick one of these two less than satisfactory options. So you pick your crusty little prawn sandwich off the shelf. Go over to the counter pay for it. Less than enthused by your lunchtime selection. You then sit down at the table and chairs. Open the packaging. Take your first bite of your bland prawn sandwich. Then instructs a guy confident Yeah, let’s call him Christopher. Christopher balls on over to the counter. Speaks to Sarah who’s serving behind.
Hey, Sarah, how you doing? Little did you know that Sarah, who’s serving behind the counter has got an abundance of different options, different sandwich filling options and different bread types. So Christopher balls on in orders as usual. He’s going to have tiger bread with rocket salmon cream cheese. So Christopher sits down with his sandwich in the nice paper packaging. Just before he’s about to tuck into his fresh bread. He runs his fingers through his quiff. You’re sitting there in your dry prawn sandwich looking over at him with a pang of envy. As he tucks in this fresh sandwich little bit of cream cheese on his lip. Fresh crumbs spilling all down onto the table in front of him. As you open up your bottle of water and take a big swig to dislodge the dry, crusty bit of bread that got stuck in your throat. Christopher’s there enjoying life. Christopher knew that if he asked at the counter, he had an abundance of options to choose from. In your head, you’re thinking Hang on a minute. How’s that fair? You made the decision to pick the prawn sandwich because you didn’t know that there was anything else available. Even though you knew you didn’t really like prawn sandwiches. And the only other option was cheese and onion. And you didn’t want to be walking around with onion bread for the rest of the day. So to less than desirable options. But it appeared to be the only option that was available. But now you know, you know next time you walk into the sandwich shop, you can speak to Sarah or whoever’s behind the counter. And you know that there’s a whole load of options available to you. You just need to choose what it is that you really want. But before you were totally unaware, so you may do with all that there was. So if we compare this to life, this is like us not knowing what else is possible, because we’re not seeing the possibilities and the options that are available to us. Now this is one of the things about life isn’t it is like you don’t know what you don’t know. Unless you’ve come from a privileged background that has access to knowledge, access to options, then you just all you know is what you know, it didn’t even occur to you to ask the woman what she had behind the counter. Because you were just accustomed to believing that the only thing that was available to you is what you could see on the shelf. But now, you know. And in many ways, this is just like life, isn’t it? This is just like us not knowing what is possible in life, because we’re not aware of all of the options. So it’s very easy to be limited by what we can see. But it doesn’t mean that that’s all that’s available. And I think in many respects, social media has really helped to improve representation. I think it’s a lot easier now to see people that look like us doing things that we want to do. So we know that it’s possible. And even if you don’t see somebody doing exactly what it is that you want to do, then you know that that’s the space for you to take. That space is available for you to step into it so that you can become the representation. But this is the thing I know there’s a lot of women out there that still don’t even know what they want to do. And that was me for so many years, sort of felt like I was sort of bouncing from pillar to post really trying to figure it out looking at this suite of options that was available. Not particularly feeling overly enthused about any of them. But okay, my banking job. Yeah, that’s supposed to be a good job, isn’t it? That sounds like a good job to have something that my parents can be proud of working in this dead miserable bank. But to me out of the options, I mean, I’d gone from working in McDonald’s. Now I’m working in banking. You know, I’ve made it or have I? What does having made it even mean? What does it mean to you? But with so many women not knowing even what they want to do? It makes it impossible to move closer to it, doesn’t it? If you don’t know what you want from life? How are you going to get it? If you don’t even know what you want? How can you move towards it if you haven’t even figured it out.
So I’m going to share one of the tools that I use to help me get super, super clear on anything that I want to do anything I want to achieve. Hope you find it useful. This is one of the practices that I use in my one to one work as well. So we can really go deep on this, but I’ll share the basics of it. And hopefully it will bring a little bit of clarity. But again, as with anything, you’ve got to put in the work, I think a lot of people want an end result. But is everybody prepared to put the work in that they need to to get there. And a lot of the work starts off with doing this deep personal work before you even start to take any practical steps. Because it’s hard to take practical steps when you don’t know what it is that you’re trying to achieve. So the first thing to do is get super clear on where you’re heading. So one of the tools that I love to use is a visualization. I mean, what’s the harm, I sort of started doing it just as a little bit of a fun exercise really didn’t really appreciate the significant impact that it can have on really helping me to achieve what I want to achieve. So definitely recommend you doing it. To do this. To do the exercise, I would suggest that you find 45 minutes of your time undisturbed, between half an hour and 45 minutes, depends how deep you want to go. I think as you continue to practice, it’s something that you can spend more time in, I think when you first start, perhaps, I don’t know, it might be a bit of an alien idea to you, you might need some time to get into it. And another thing that I’ve come to learn throughout my years is that you can’t keep doing the same stuff and expecting different results. For so long. I was frustrated with where I was at. And I knew it wasn’t where I wanted to be. But in many ways, I didn’t know what to do differently. Because it goes back to that old thing, doesn’t it, you don’t know what you don’t know. And it’s been through investing in myself over the last decade. Plus, putting in that work, doing the deep, deep work that’s really helped me to become clear, really helped me to learn the tools that I’m sharing with you, and start putting in that work to get to know myself. Because how many of us really know ourselves? How many of us spend time with ourselves. We live in a world full of distractions. It’s so easy, isn’t it to just pick up your phone instead of just being like how many people now I mean, I can’t remember the last time I waited at a bus stop. But how many of you, you know, when you’re on the platform waiting for your train, waiting for a bus, you just dive into your pocket? Don’t you pick out your phone, sitting in the living room, you know, killing time on your phone? What about taking that time to get to know yourself, just allowing the breathing space to be without the constant distractions of needing to be looking at something needing to be scrolling, needing to be doing something. And you know, this is something that I still have to practice because I do get obsessed with learning and all that sort of stuff. I’m always wanting to be listening to podcasts, listening to audiobooks, but actually there’s so much value in creating space within your day as well for you to just be. But within that space, you’ve got to make sure that you’re checking in on your thoughts, so you’re not getting carried away with your thoughts. You can check out the last episode about anxious thoughts for a little bit more of an insight into that. But yeah, just allow yourself a little bit of breathing space. So you’ve got this 45 minutes of time carved out. This time is especially for you now to connect with your future self. If you don’t have a vision for the future, then you’re most likely going to end up staying where you are. And if you’re happy with that, then that’s cool. But if you’ve got a sense within you that knows that you meant for more knows that you’re not where you want to be. Start doing the work today. Take the time to start connecting or reconnecting with the idea that we are miracles. There are miracles happening all around us. I suppose it depends on how in tune you want to get with your surroundings. One of the things that I do to help me realize just how incredible life is, is through my plants. And through growing plants and planting seeds, which is something that me and my daughter love to do. You’ve got these tiny little seeds, you look at them, you know, they don’t look anything particularly exciting. You take these little seeds, pop them into the earth, the fertile earth, so you’ve got the seed, you’re putting it in the environment for it to thrive,
you nurture it. So this you can relate this to doing the deep work, you get an idea that you want to improve your life, you set about doing that, you plant the seed of this idea that something more could be possible, then you create the environment to incubate that idea, much like the soil, putting the seed in the soil, then you nurture it consistently. So while this little seed is bedded down into this dark soil, you start watering it, you make sure it’s got the right amount of light coming in. And then in few days, and it is just days, it’s quite incredible, really, when we planted our wildflowers a few weeks ago, we were absolutely astonished at just how quickly you start to see the progress. And before you know it, the little seed that you planted into the dark soil is now poking little green shoots through the soil. And that is just amazing, isn’t it. And I think sometimes it really takes just slowing right down and connecting with nature to be reminded of what a miracle life is. So we planted these seeds, and now we’ve got peas growing on our window ledge. We’ve got herbs, we’ve got basil, thyme, we’ve got parsley, beans, all this stuff going on our window ledge. All of this started off with an idea that we wanted to plant a seed to see what was possible. So just have a think about what seeds are you planting. Nature is so amazing. And guess what we are part of nature. But we’ve been so conditioned by society to become so detached from nature, and into this machine of capitalism, where we basically just have to perform, to earn to live to achieve status to strive, that we forget the simple things in life that bring us so much joy, the simple things in life that are actual miracles that we take for granted every day because we’re so caught up in our heads and the expectations of society and that the pressures of where we’re supposed to be. So you just got to bring it right back, get back into the present. So it’s 2022. we’ve reconnected with the idea that, yeah, we’re miracles and you know what in nature so much is possible. We’re seeing ourselves as part of nature, we know that we live in a world where we’re super connected, we’ve got the internet. So much is possible. So now it’s really time to start exploring what is possible for you. What do you want to be possible. So carve out this time, 45 minutes, 30 minutes, lie down, get comfortable, you might prefer to sit up whatever works well for you. Just get comfy. Allow yourself to connect with your breath. Take three deep breaths. really concentrating on getting that rich breath right down into the pit of your stomach. Drop it right down into your belly button through your nose. Out through your mouth. As you’re exhaling, you’re getting rid of all the stress all the tension of the day. So with your three deep breaths, next thing you want to do is just scan your body. Where’s any tension living. So if you just start at the top of your head, like relax your brow, relax your jaw, we hold a lot of tension in our jaws. How your shoulders allow them to relax. Imagine yourself as a wax melt slowly warming up. Softening, melting down. Allow a feeling of relaxation to just wave over your body. Now in your mind’s eye, I want you to allow yourself to visualize yourself five years from now. What is life like? Like, five years from now, but this visualization for yourself is not going to be restricted to the confines of your current experience. This is where we’re going to allow ourselves to dream, connect with an unlimited future self. Our life experience, as we grow up, becomes based on a set of stories that we tell ourselves, often a set of limitations that we tell ourselves that hold us back from reaching our true potential. And that backed up by societal ideas of where we should or shouldn’t be.
So we’re going to leave all that behind us all the weight, it’s like a tent. Imagine being a circus tent, that is like pinned down into the ground. And one by one, the pegs start lifting up. And allowing the tent to just rise up, float up into the sky, no longer held down by the burdens of the stories that we tell ourselves that society tells us. We’re floating up, up, up, up, up into the sky. When I do this, I like to imagine myself whirling and swirling, being unlimited by my body, I’m in the sky, gravity free, just enjoying that feeling of freedom. You’re going to flow up, up, up, and then you’re going to look out over onto the horizon. And over on the horizon, you squint. Who’s that, but you can see, surrounded by golden light. It’s you, it’s your future self. you’re intrigued by this vision surrounded by this beautiful light. So you start flying over and then you start being pulled down by the golden light that surrounding your future self. You pulled into the vortex. Now you’re swirling round and down into your future self in five years time. Now, I want you to see who’s around you. Where are you? What are you doing? How does it feel? What is your future self? Future unlimited self? Doing? What sort of work? Are you doing? Who you’re helping? What sort of money have you got? How are you living? What does your house look like? No restrictions dream big. What soap have you got in the house when you’ve got this unlimited life? What shoes are you wearing? What’s the floor in? Like?
What can you smell? What you have in for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Allow yourself to just get into this headspace of this ideal day,
five years from now. Allow yourself to dream. who’s supporting you? Who’s cheering you on? Where are you going on your holidays? How are you traveling? Do you have a car in the vision? What car are you driving? What sort of difference are you make into the world? Indoor indulge yourself, allow yourself to spend time here exploring this beautiful place in your mind. Take as long as you need to see everything that you want to see what’s making you smile, five years into the future. And when you’ve spent enough time there, just feel yourself being wrapped up in the golden light of the energy that surrounds this moment, cloaking you. Once you’re cloaked in this golden light, you feel yourself rising up again, rising up into the sky bend in Sway in doing backflips if you like, and you come in back now, back to the moment, this present moment in time, still surrounded by this beautiful golden light cloak that was given to you by your future self. So when you land back down into reality, and you slowly become aware of your surroundings again, it’d be really good idea actually, at this point to write down what you saw. What did your future self reveal to you? And sometimes, perhaps if this is the first time you’re doing something like this, it might be hazy. This is where the practice comes in. Again, this is another one of these disciplines that I do regularly. Every time you do it, your vision will get clearer. And as you do it over time your vision evolves, not everything that appears in the in the vision, the first time will stay there, start to filter out what it is that you really want in your mind’s eye. Once you’ve written it out, you might then start to notice some resistance within you, that tells you why this would never be possible. This is where we need to explore these thoughts. These are our limiting beliefs. These are the voices that are holding us back. Unless of course, in your vision you saw yourself with like, actual wings or something flying around. I don’t know, humanity hasn’t evolved that way yet. So try and keep it realistic in that respect, but not limited. Because for me, this is where you start the manifestation process. Manifestation is a word that gets thrown about a lot now. And for me, it’s not just some airy fairy idea where you think of something and then it’s suddenly appears in front of you, like, you know, oh, I want this drink right now. And it’s going to suddenly magically appear on your desk, it doesn’t work like that. I believe personally, that manifestation is having a clear vision, harnessing the energy of the universe to support you in that vision, and then taking practical steps to help the visions to manifest. So once you’ve got clear on what your future self is pulling you towards, then you can start taking the steps to get there. Because now you’ve seen it in your mind’s eye, you know that in some ways, it’s possible, a little bit like that sandwich shop, knowing what’s behind the counter. So next time, you’re able to make a more informed decision. That’s going to bring you more nourishment, more happiness. Some people might say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. In all seriousness, what’s that saying about, you know, reach for the stars. And at the very least, you know, you might reach the moon, got to start off with a vision. It’s like that get rich or die trying. Having that hope, having that belief, having that clarity of vision, taking steps, real, tangible action steps to move you closer to your visualization, move you closer to your dreams, you can only be in a better place, a more aligned place, if you’re taking the steps that are in line with your vision. So why, why wait, what’s the alternative? Have a visionless future and keep plodding along? I might be an idealist, but it serves me. To be honest, I could be having exactly the same experience now. But with a negative mindset, a pessimistic mindset.
What if this doesn’t work? What if that doesn’t work, I’m not going to do that, I’m not going to do that. Okay, well then stay there, or have a vision and go for it, which is what I’m doing, and which is what I want you to do to have a vision and go for it says, Come on, man. It’s your time, it is your time to shine. It’s your time to wake up with purpose. It’s your time to feel aligned, it’s your time to get clear on the vision that you want for yourself, and start going about making it happen. Just to add one more bit of perspective, how are you listening to the podcast at the moment, on some form of device, I would assume, whether it’s your phone, whether whether you’re in the car, whether you’re listening on a laptop, whatever, those devices, all started off, as thoughts in people’s minds, they tapped into their creativity, they had a vision, and then they went about in the physical world, turning it into a reality. And yet, I’m saying that you can do the same to dreaming and creating isn’t just for men. Dreaming and creating isn’t just for middle class white men. It’s for you to say this. And I’m not beating down on middle class white men. I’m just trying to say that it’s not all about them. All right. And just because we haven’t seen ourselves truly represented up until now, even still, even still room for improvement on that representation, but it is absolutely about us. And it’s time we got that into our heads. We deserve to take up space. We deserve to live fulfilled happy lives. So let’s start doing that today. Don’t be limited by what society tells us is possible. Remember, history so far has been written by the so called winners. When I say winners. It’s basically the people that amassed enough wealth and privilege to tell their stories and to be the ones that were listened to. So don’t be limited by lack of representation. It’s your time now to take charge. Be the writer of your own story. Be the master of your own destiny. So girlfriend tell me what does the next chapter of your book look like? Thank you for listening to the episode, I hope you found some benefit in it. If you know someone who’s stuck in a bit of a rut, and need a little bit of clarity needs a little bit of vision for the future, share the episode with them. I always appreciate when you guys helped me share the message of the podcast and just help to get these ideas out there. You know, we don’t have to be limited by what society told us we could and couldn’t do. The future is ours. If you’re ready to do the deep work through your own inner world to help you get the best possible outcome, and the best possible results for your life, then please do get in touch. I’m offering a 45 minute discovery session so that I can see if there’s any ways that I can help you on an ongoing basis. I do want to one consultancy work, running programs to help women just really make the most of their lives really connect with themselves really connect with their vision and just Yemen help them to live fulfilled and happy lives. I’ve been helping guys out for a long time now. So my sole mission now is just on helping women because we deserve it. So if you would like to book a discovery call, it’s absolutely free. There’s no obligation. Even if we have a chat. There’s no obligation to do anything afterwards. You can book a call using the link in the show notes. Work with Zoe. If you’d like to support the podcast, you can do that through sharing the content telling a friend. I’ve also got a buy me a coffee link which allows you to leave a tip if you found any nourishment within the episode. It’s a great way to support. Other than that. I’ve linked all the socials in the show notes to CalFresh and I’m looking forward to catching you again next week. Start putting in the work, start doing the visualizations. Start challenging your own mind. And let’s see what is possible. All right, big love. Peace out and I’ll catch you next week.
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